Well, I’m in a little bit of a pickle here. See, I was asked by Sonya, my sugary sweet Anime kitten from NY, to review “Dracula Untold“. Then I was asked by Heidi to talk a little about “Interview with a Vampire“. The problem here is that, while I’m all for seeing the Dracula film and talking about it, I haven’t had a chance to catch it yet 🙁 Don’t worry, Sonya. I’ll get a chance to watch it soon enough. For now though, since I have seen Interview, I’ll move on to that one.

Interview with a Vampire. I saw this movie a million years ago when it first came out. Yes, my gentle snowflakes, I AM that old. Anywho, what’s there to say about it that hasn’t been said like a million times? I don’t know…let’s see if I can think of something.

I can’t stand Lestat. I’m not saying Tom Cruise didn’t play the character well. On the contrary, he did it too damn well. He played him the exact way he was meant to played: that is to say, he made him an asshole. Lestat may be the main character in several of the books, but no matter what, this guy is a dick. I’m all for having confidence in yourself, but the character takes that idea and runs with it so hard he’s practically moving at the speed of light.

Louis on the other hand, played by Brad Pitt, is not an asshole. He’s just a depressing fuck who should really just kill himself. All he does is bitch and moan about how “he’s a monster” and shit. Dude, if it’s that bad, go stand in the sun for a while. I get that he’s the moral compass of their happy little family, but still…tone it down a smidge. Again, I’m not even saying this because Pitt played the character wrong, it’s just how the character is: annoyingly depressing. Think Eeyore with fangs. And less likeable.

Then there’s Claudia (Kirsten Dunst). Here we have the youngest character of the bunch, as well as the youngest actor of the bunch, and she’s by FAR the most likeable. She has a pretty upbeat attitude throughout most of the film, considering where she came from. The shit with the hair was pretty funny. She chops her hair off, and BAM. 5 seconds later it’s all back. I always liked that part in the film. Not sure why.

Rounding out the main cast would be Christian Slater, Antonio Banderas, and Stephen Rea.

Slater plays Daniel, a reporter recording the whole movie on cassette tapes (Remember those? No? God damn kids and their music and baggy clothes and…WAY OFF TOPIC) in an interview he’s having with Louis. An interview, I might add, he’s having in Louis’s hotel room, a guy he literally knows nothing about, and he has no backup or way of defending himself. THAT took some balls. Louis proceeds to tell him his whole “life” story, (See what I did there? It’s a joke, because he’s not alive, he’s dead. HUMOR) and that gives us the film, as well as the title. Louis explains to him he’s a vampire within minutes of meeting him, then shows him some super speedy light-switching-on powers, and Daniel’s okay with this. Again, BALLS.

Throughout the story he tells him about Lestat and Claudia, then recants his time in Paris, which is where Banderas and Rea come in. Antonio plays Armand, who believes himself to be the oldest “living” vampire at something like 800 years old. If you have read any of the books, which I have, you know he’s way off from being the oldest. But in his own defense, he only thinks he’s the oldest guy around because he hasn’t met anyone older. Fair enough. Then we got Rea, who plays Santiago. You might not have caught his name the first time you watch the movie because  he doesn’t have too much in the way  of dialogue, and I don’t recall him telling anyone his name. Pretty sure it was Armand who points out what his name is, but I could be wrong. Santiago meets Louis on the streets of Paris, and does a whole Charlie Chaplin-like game with him. He doesn’t speak to him, but he mirrors all of Louis’s moves while he’s making them. It was actually pretty cool.

Not entirely sure what to say about the movie. Claudia dies, gets barbecued by the sun. Lestat dies, but then he doesn’t. Daniel asks Louis to make him a vampire, which pisses Louis off so much that he pretty much just says no and leaves. Lestat comes back way at the end and turns Daniel into a vampire (That part, the turning bit, wasn’t shown in the movie. Only implied. Like I said, I’ve read some of the books, so I know he did it.) And then the movie ends with The Rolling Stones playing “Sympathy for the Devil” playing on the car radio in Daniel’s car. Boom. End.

Do I like the film? Sure. I love vampire stuff. Always have. This a well written story, and it portrays vampires the way they should be: as predators. I could go into some shit about Twilight and how that made vampires look like pussies, but honestly, I’ve never seen more than about 5 minutes of any of those movies. Not gonna watch ’em, either. Don’t bother asking 😛

By the by, one thing people may have missed was the fact the Thandie Newton was in the film as well. *Drool* Thandie Newton…mrow