Superman. I know, I know. Collectively everyone just gasped and called me a heretic, spit on the floor, started burning sage to get my bad juju out of their homes…Whatever. I can’t stand this guy. It’s not his personality, I think that’s fine. He’s the nice guy. That works. Not every comic hero has to be grumbling, angry, or anti-social. Hell, I think him being the nice guy is the only thing that works. Well, for me at least. I’m not even gonna go into the whole “renouncing himself as an American because what-the-fuck-ever”. I don’t care about that, although it is a dick thing for him to do, but life goes on. There’s two reasons that I can’t stand this guy, and I’ll go in order of anger inducing to RAGE QUIT HATE.

1. How many fucking super powers do you have to have? I mean, what the hell is the number at for how much shit this guy can do? Seriously, if there’s a power worth having, HE ALREADY HAS IT. Super strength, super speed, super senses, flight, laser vision, X-ray vision, freezing breath, teleportation (Watch Superman 2 if you’re confused about that one. It’s at the end when he beats Zod and pals). Come on…I mean really. COMMMMME ONNNNNN. Look at all this shit this guy can do! Hell, he can probably do more shit than I just listed. When is enough, enough? If he only had like 3 or 4 of those things, I’d probably respect the character more, but having ALL that…that’s just unfair. Now here’s why it’s unfair: His main villain, Lex Luthor, has the incredible power of…MONEY. That’s it. Money. You got one guy who’s practically a god in one corner, and his opponent is a guy with a huge bank account. Wow. Riveting.

2. The second reason I don’t care for the character is that he has no conflict. Seriously, he has no conflict in his life. Well, I’ll retract that, because there *is* something, but I’ll explain in a sec. The world loves this guy. I mean, the ENTIRE PLANET loves him. He can do no wrong. While that’s okay as far as his personality goes, how he’s seen by the general public and all, there’s really nothing that ever goes sour for this joker. Everybody steps in line to kiss his ass. Everybody, but one person. His one and only conflict in fact is…Lois Lane. That’s it, that’s all he’s got. He’s absolutely crazy about her, and here’s the kicker…She’s a horrible bitch. Seriously, who the hell would want this woman? She’s pushy, bossy, she brags about herself, she pays NO attention to him when he’s Clark, but put the cape on, and BAM! Her panties just dropped. Why in the HELL would he want her? This dude could get any girl he wants no problem, but no, he goes for THAT bitch. Oh, and he could probably find someone a bit less prone to falling off buildings or out of planes/helicopters, so she’s also clumsy. I can’t stand his character, but Lois Lane…I HATE that woman.

I’ll bring up another character soon. And I’m sure that if I haven’t alienated myself from most of you yet, I will with the next guy.